“Who am I?”
I asked myself this question many times, and every time I do, I come up with a different answer. Either I am a programmer, a partner, a husband, a man, an animal, an explorer of consciousness, a thinker, a mind hacker, a writer, everything, or nothing. But whatever the answer may be, there still is something that I always am – I am always the one who decides. And since being a decision maker is the one constant role which I can never stop playing, it seems to me that the most valuable thing I could ever do is to become a better decision maker. Better decision-making is what this website is truly about.
Let’s start with the usual details. My name is Roy Toledo and I hacked the mind. I don’t consider myself a hacker, nor do I tend to hack other things, but yet, in this case, I did. It might surprise you, but I didn’t hack it to become a better employee, make more money, or have better luck with women. I actually didn’t hack the mind to exploit it at all, but I hacked it so I can debug it.
As a child, I was diagnosed with dyslexia, ADHD, OCD, mild Tourette syndrome, depression, and various other “emotional disorder”, which basically meant that my therapist got so lost in my head that they couldn’t quite name things anymore. For a while, they tried to medicate me, but due to the diversity of conditions, every drug that reduced one condition aggravated another. After about 2-3 years of experimenting with different “medications” and going through a whole range of side-effects, my family and I finally had enough and we stopped trying.
Medication didn’t work for me, and I can’t really say that these years of therapy did much of a difference. But one good thing definitely happened – I found my passion. I was amazed by my therapists’ ability to peek into the mind and move things around. I wanted to do that too! So, I played along. I kept going to therapy and observe. Trying to figure out what were they doing, what were they looking for, and why. That’s how I fell in love with psychology.
My second passion is computers – and it was much easier to find. You see, for a kid with so many disorders, being social is pretty impossible. But the computer didn’t care about all that, so we became best friends. The computer was very accepting of me and my quirks. It didn’t get angry when I wasn’t listening, it never cared if I was sitting upright or not, and it automatically corrected all of my typos without ever punishing me for them. Most importantly of all, it was predictable. I could anticipate its reactions and have a good idea of what was going to happen next. Our interaction felt very stable, and that gave me a sense of safety which I couldn’t get anywhere else. Luckily, later on, my faithful friend also proved to be a wise career choice as well.
Though little I knew back then, that my two passions, computers and psychology, would eventually become one and the same.
My childhood wasn’t easy, but somehow, I managed to pull through. I dropped out of school in the second month of the 10th grade, but later on, I found a school that was more flexible and I graduated high school as a “part-time” student. For years I couldn’t hold a job for more than 3 months, but after a while, I managed to find something that was more suited for me and slowly started picking myself up. University was hell, but I did that as well.
Slowly, I managed to get my life in order and was even remarkably successful at it. By the age of 27, I had my own software company and financial stability. But yet, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t depressed in the sense that I couldn’t get out of bed, but I definitely wasn’t excited about waking up. Even with good education, a good job, and enough money, I didn’t really like myself or my life. I felt like I hit a wall. As hard as I was pushing, and as much as I was improving, happiness remained out of reach.
At the age of 28, I decided to leave everything behind and go on a journey of self-discovery. I closed the company, broke up with my girlfriend, ended the lease on the apartment, and left my old self behind. I moved to a cheap country in south-east Asia and started a full-time job working on myself.
Even in this endeavor, I ended up being exceptionally lucky. Within the first 3 months, I’ve found myself, found my happiness, and found my soulmate and the love of my life. Together, we lived on a tropical island for a few more years. Getting to better know each other, ourselves, and everything in between.
Today, I’m balanced, focused, social, and I can even write. Not only that I no longer suffer from any disorder, but I even have a hard time convincing people that I ever did.
From this connection, and the intense work we did together to sort out all of our quirks, an immense amount of knowledge was born. Techniques, methods, and incredibly deep understanding of what we (people) are and how we work. Insights which we like to share with the world and use this website as one of several ways to do so.
I know, these things I write about here are very different than anything you’ve been led to believe so far. But keep in mind that what we currently know usually doesn’t work. So, I hope that you can open your mind and let something new in. Even though it might sound weird and go against what you already believe, what I write about here actually works!
Main Image By : Cameron Gray